Enjoying the Sunset

jny published on
1 min, 130 words

I think that people who believe that if you must be able to justify and understand your existence logically—why you are here, your purpose, or any of those other Big Questions—or you somehow cannot live it miss the point. I don't need to justify why I enjoy a sunset, I don't even have to put words to it. Maybe knowing that it is caused by a gigantic ball of plasma millions of miles away undergoing continuous explosion is constantly emitting ungodly amounts of deadly radiation that is absorbed and reflects a different color when I am at a spot on the earth looking from a certain angle makes it all the more beautiful to me, but I don't have to know that to enjoy it. I just do.

Who I Really Am

jny published on
4 min, 610 words

Do you ever get confused about your identity as a person? Do you feel like you have a good grasp on who you are inside?

Yes and no.

Yes, I have no frickin clue where I stop and the trauma starts. I don't know if I'm the me on the days on anxious or on the rare days I'm not. And most of all, there's the version of me that I hate, and the version of me that I have to tell myself is what's real and the one people really see. But who I am every day feels like a toss of the coin.

No, because I believe that basically that applies to all of us. That we are all just patterns of behavior, from genes that were switched on and off even from when we were still in the womb. And that the whole idea of the "ego", the sense of self that makes choices and thinks thoughts and has feelings, is not really what it appears to be, so nothing that I think "I" am is actually me, because there is no me.

But I still have to get out of bed everyday and think of myself as a me so the pragmatic answer is yes, I mostly have no idea who I really am.

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